Should be Sleeping

It's almost midnight and Emma will be here in about 5 hours to pick me up so that we can head to Davis! I am so excited! Why am I blogging right now? Goodnight!

Panorama, Websites, Trialogue

Okay, so I'm not too sure how to make this picture larger without it being pixelated... I'm not too too tech-savvy. But this picture is a panorama of La Jolla, from the top of Mt. Soledad! I went there recently with my friend Emma, and it was quite refreshing! The burritos from El Azteca were a nice touch. Click the picture to see it in full size! Trust me, it looks much better. Actually, that's just an opinion. Like, you know, you could totally just enjoy it from here in its smaller form if that's what you're into. You know, what do I know, right? Maybe you're into minimalism or something. There I go assuming things about the people who read these things! I'm not trying to tell you what to do or whatever. I'm just saying...

But really, please click the picture.

Also, some great new websites I stumbled upon...

indiepassion.blogspot.com - a blog about all things indie music. great resource for those looking for some new auditory musings within the indie genre.

blogotheque.net - cool French website about bands that they get to come to play in the streets of France.

truckspills.com - interesting things that have fallen from the back of trucks such as whale intestines... what?

Yeah. Whale intestines.

How does that happen?

Dude, you just gotta check that website to find out. But I will tell you that the story and pictures are ridiculous!

Cool beans. I feel like you use the word 'ridiculous' too much. It's taking away from the meaning of the word.

Well, what would you have me do, Alfred?

Endure. (Dark Knight reference anyone?)

Alright, thanks for the random convo at the end, Gerald. Why do you always have to... *sigh* Whatever, man.

Performance Jury

So my music performance jury is coming up this October. I don't know if I'll be ready. I've practiced a lot, but I feel like sometimes I've taken steps backward. Maybe they're just the off days that every musician has now and then and I'm just letting those get me down. But I feel like I should have improved so much more than I have by now. It makes me really sad. I am really worried that I won't pass this jury...

Wasting Time.

I miss

I miss

I miss

I wait

I wait

I wait

But time does not.

Past is past

Future, future

Time, just time

And the present is gone.

I want to be in places when where it is impossible to be.

Well, there may not be rhyme, but there is reason. I don't know jack squat about writing. Just dilly-dallying.

Writing wastes time. But it's something for the meantime.

Current State of Affairs

Sometimes
I wish I was brave
I wish I was stronger
I wish I could feel no pain
I wish I was young
I wish I was shy
I wish I was honest
I wish I was you not I

'Cause
I feel so mad
I feel so angry
I feel so callous
So lost, confused, again
I feel so cheap
So used, unfaithful
Let's start over
Let's start over

Sometimes
I wish I was smart
I wish I made cures for
How people are
I wish I had power
I wish I could lead
I wish I could change the world
For you and me

'Cause
I feel so mad
I feel so angry
I feel so callous
So lost, confused, again
I feel so cheap
So used, unfaithful
Let's start over
Let's start over

S*** That Doesn't Matter? You Know What I Mean? Probably not.

I was thinking earlier tonight, "What kind of guy am I?" Am I shy? Extroverted? Happy? Jealous? Patient? Easily angered? Funny? Rude? Self-righteous? Humble? Well, maybe I am all of those things. Maybe it depends on the situation. The when and where. The who and what.

I was driving my friend home after a party and he was talking about relationships, and specifically about a friend that we knew and his past relationships. That got me thinking about my relationships. Since I haven't had very many, it's hard for rme to imagine the girl that I would be with. Maybe I'm not supposed to be with anyone? Maybe I'm one of those people whom you just can't picture being with anyone. Or maybe I'm just thinking too much.

I feel like I'm a nice enough guy. I really enjoy making people laugh, which I would say is a plus. I like having conversations with people, also a plus. I mean, I may not be the People magazine's sexiest man alive, but eh. But sometimes when something might happen with someone, my personality changes. Maybe not totally, but there's definitely a difference. Shyness kicks in, jealousy, sadness, awkwardness (not the good funny kind that I have become fairly adept at), the whole gang comes and changes me. I wish there was a girl that i could just be myself around. I mean, I can be myself around tons of girls, but I wish that there was a girl that I liked, who liked me back that I could just be myself around.

I wish I could articulate my thoughts better. But I also wish that I could actually talk to a friend about this in person. But the problem with having a friend to talk to about stuff like this is, I can't explain what I'm thinking very well because I don't have the time to think about it. It just comes out as I speak. Why are some things so terribly indescribable? It is really awful sometimes. Actually, for me, it is probably awful almost all of the time. I just want to be able to find the words to convey the exact feelings inside me. They want to be let out and understood, and this blog does not do them justice. why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why............... I wish someone would really understand and say, "I know exactly what you mean and what you're feeling. I've been there too." There I go blabbering again about s*** that doesn't matter.

I don't have the patience to edit this entry right now. GAH. Crappy night. Well, crappy ending to a night.

TIGHTLE.

HEY!

Oh okay, so I thought that I would just do a short post. Um. Oh! Okay, also, I've always wanted to do a video blog on youtube. But I don't think that would turn out so well. Plus, I feel like it would take up a lot of time... yessssssssss.

btw, does anyone read this? bee tee dub.

GERALD, SIGNING OUT!

Well, not really signing out yet because I have to kind of proof read this thing real quick. Oh, and I haven't given it a title yet. So I'll do those things, and then see how it looks in the actual finalized version. And if there's anything wrong there, then, you know... just repeat as necessary.

Lather, rinse, and repeat if desired.

Then! I'll literally sign out of bloggerrrrr. QUESTION! (EXCLAMATION?) Why doesn't it say "http://blablabla.BLOGGER.com/" instead of "http://wtf.BLOGSPOT.com/."

Just a thought.

Rich Effs!

This past Wednesday and Friday I hung out with my good friend Ashley Foster, who is, by the way, black. Not that that really comes into play with regards to the quality of our friendship, but I thought that I would just mention that. You know, to sort of give you a general description, a really general description. Anyways, she had some of her friends come down from Fresno to visit America's Finest City for a few days. We decided to hit up La Jolla for some food and to take Ashley's friends to the beach since Fresno's beaches are so utterly atrocious. After we had found a parking space we had to walk some distance to the restaurant that we decided to try out. Now on the way to the restaurant, we were just chatting, and we pass this sidewalk bench with a homeless guy sitting on it begging for change. I didn't really notice him because we were all talking about something, I don't really remember what, but that's besides the point. I heard the homeless guy say something, but because I was conversing with the others, I didn't catch what he said until we passed him and were several paces away. My brain sluggishly put the phonemes together and figured out that the homeless guy had asked for change. But at this point we were already a ways away from him and I didn't want to stop the whole group and turn around and walk all the way back. In retrospect, that was a really lame excuse not to help someone out. I felt so bad because it looked like I had totally just ignored him, not to mention that I actually did have change in my pocket to give away. I guess my brain is just slow sometimes. So, homeless guy, if you're out there somehow reading this, I'm sorry!

I mean, I must have looked like such a pretentious eff. Seriously. Walking around La Jolla, one of the richest places in America, going to this restaurant which charges ten dollars for a burrito, and ignoring a homeless guy who's just asking for some help, because God knows we have plenty to share. You know, if the whole world shared, there would be enough for everyone. *sigh*

Finished Another Book!

Just finished This is Your Brain on Music last night. The last chapter wasn't as fascinating as almost the entire rest of the book, but that might just be because I was excited to finish another book. Anyways, I would recommend this book to the musically educated and the psychology interested, as well as anyone who just wants to learn some freakin' cool facts about music and the brain. For instance, did you know that music actually uses both sides of your brain?

Really? I thought it was just the one side.

Actually, it uses so many parts of your brain, which may be a reason to believe that it helps in an eff load of other areas of life. It uses the hippocampus, the prefrontal cortex, the occipital lobe, the cerebellum, and several other areas of the brain. But anyways, that rather poorly described fun little pocket-sized fact is something that I learned from the book. Yes, I retained something that I read!

Magnificent! Let's celebrate!

Okay, how?

We can read another book, maybe?

Hm. Maybe. I dunno.

Well, you can't practice your trumpet all day.

I can if I wanted to.

But you suck.

...

Just kidding.

...

Ahem...

Summer Bookfest '09 is now in its third stage: Mere Christianity, by C.S. Lewis

Finished a Book!

Just finished Irresistible Revolution a couple of nights ago. Kind of surprising for two reasons: I bought the book somewhere around 3 or 4 weeks ago (I have never read a 'long' book that fast), and I finished it before I finished This is Your Brain on Music, which I was 60 pages from having finished it when I started Irresistible Revolution. After I finish This is Your Brain on Music, I have Mere Christianity in my backpack. As another piece of evidence to how terrible I am with finishing books, I started Mere Christianity freshman year of college, almost two years ago. I got to about 100 pages into it before I stopped. I suppose I'll just start it again from the beginning instead of picking up where I left off.

Irresistible Revolution had a real influence on me, I think. It's change some of my perspectives, and I feel that I really got a lot out of it. Here are some ways that it has influenced me...

I want to live a simple, more sustainable, and holy life.

I want to be an ordinary radical.

I'm closer to my hippy roots.

I still want to be a professional trumpeter, but now it's no longer a way to get a nice suburban house and live a comfortable empty life.

I want to give my money back to the poor.

I want to learn to make my own clothes.

I want to be close to the outsiders of society.

I don't want to just donate to cherities and never have to actually face the suffering people whom the cherities fight for. I want to know those people up close and personal.

I want to have a real imagination and creativity.

I want to share.

I want to love.

Needless to say, I highly recommend this book.